I’m going to confess to you a secret of mine. It’s one I’ve held close to my heart, perhaps a tad ashamed, but mostly out of guilt. As a believer, I know my responsibility as a parent to my children, I know that they are on ‘loan’ to me by God, that I need to raise them to know who Jesus is.

So here’s my secret. I’m not that good of a christian mother. Sure, we pray at the kitchen table, and we talk about Jesus and God often. But it’s only been recently that I pray with my girls when they go to bed. I have a girl’s devotional that I bought years ago to read with the girls – I just need to find it.

My oldest daughter is 10 and she doesn’t like going to church. My youngest is 6 and she gets mad at me when we don’t go. She waits for me to come home at night so we can say our prayers together. My middle daughter likes to talk about her angels, but I’m not sure what her thoughts are about Jesus.

So have I failed them or am I giving them room to grow, to sort out their own beliefs? I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this. I do admit to feeling guilty, knowing that I have let my children down while I figure out my own feelings on God. What lesson have I been teaching them? I’m not too sure – that’s something I’m really going to think about. On one hand – I’m showing them that it’s more important to be real than a fake christian. I’m teaching them that it’s ok to take a step back and re-evaluate beliefs. And I’m for sure not forcing a belief on them just because I believe it to be true.

But … that brings up a thought. I do force my oldest daughter to eat my chicken stirfry’s even though she hates them and complains every time I make it. So what’s the difference if I force her to go to church?

I know what scripture says. But I also know that there are alot of things in the bible that I struggle with and disagree with (hello … do you see me being silent or see a hat on my head when I go to church).

I think ultimately – I’ve been a lazy parent and it’s time to step up to the plate. Just wanted to share that with you all 🙂